Anger and Big Feelings

 W26-Capstone Consolidate-ULTRA

Blog Post #6

Anger and Big Feelings

By Dr. Mohamad Bachar Abou Al Shaar

 

Anger is a normal part of child development. Children and teens feel angry for many of the same reasons adults do, including frustration, disappointment, unfairness, stress, or not feeling understood. The difference is that young children are still learning how to identify emotions, express them with words, and calm themselves down. Psychologists note that emotion regulation develops over time and depends on skills such as language, attention, and self-control, which are still growing during childhood.

 

Big feelings can be triggered by many everyday situations. A child may become upset when they are tired, hungry, overstimulated, asked to stop a preferred activity, struggling with schoolwork, or having conflict with siblings or peers. Sometimes anger is the emotion adults see on the outside, even when the child is actually feeling embarrassed, anxious, hurt, or overwhelmed on the inside. The American Psychological Association explains that children can become angry because they are still learning to control emotions and may not yet have the words to explain frustration clearly.

 

Anger can look different from one child to another. Some children yell, cry, slam doors, or argue. Others become quiet, shut down, or avoid talking altogether. Younger children may have tantrums, while older children may show irritability, defiance, or emotional outbursts. These reactions do not always mean a child is being intentionally difficult. In many cases, they are showing that they need support with emotional regulation. Child Mind Institute notes that explosive behaviour often happens when children are overwhelmed by feelings they cannot manage well yet.

 

Caregivers and educators can help by teaching children to notice and name what they are feeling. When a child learns to say, “I’m frustrated,” “I’m disappointed,” or “I’m mad,” they begin to build emotional literacy. This is important because children are better able to manage emotions when they can recognize them. The CDC also encourages adults to talk about feelings and give children words to express emotions, while teaching calming tools such as deep breathing or going to a quiet, safe place.

 

Healthy coping strategies should be simple and age appropriate. A young child may benefit from taking deep breaths, hugging a comfort item, drawing a picture, or sitting in a quiet space with support. Older children may benefit from journaling, walking away briefly, stretching, listening to calming music, or talking through the problem with a trusted adult. What matters most is helping the child learn that anger itself is not wrong, but certain behaviours, such as hurting others or breaking things, are not acceptable. Adults can guide children toward safer ways to express strong emotions.

Adults also model emotional regulation every day. When caregivers stay calm, use respectful language, and respond consistently, children learn by example. Supportive routines, clear expectations, and patient communication can reduce emotional overload and help children feel secure. Over time, children can learn that big feelings are manageable and that asking for help is a strength, not a weakness. Children’s mental health includes learning healthy social and emotional skills and building the ability to cope when life feels difficult.

 

In the end, anger is not something children need to be ashamed of. It is a normal emotion that can become a chance for learning, growth, and connection. When adults respond with empathy, structure, and guidance, children can develop the emotional skills they need to express themselves safely and confidently.

 

References

American Psychological Association. (2023, January 11). How to help kids understand and manage their emotions. https://www.apa.org/topics/parenting/emotion-regulation

 

Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. (2021). Milestone moments booklet. https://www.cdc.gov/ncbddd/actearly/pdf/parents_pdfs/milestonemomentseng508.pdf

 

Child Mind Institute. (2025, August 27). How to help children calm down. https://childmind.org/article/how-to-help-children-calm-down/

 

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